Should i stay with a cheating spouse

Dealing with the aftermath of infidelity...

They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do—leave or stay.

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But nobody else really understands what goes on in another person's marriage. While you are pondering how you're going to proceed, it's best to keep the details private.

You may have some physical reactions due to stress such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems too little or too much , shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat, or overeating. Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and, yes, to have some fun.

Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party won't change anything and it's just wasted energy. Try not to play the victim, either, if you can help it, or wallow in self-pity.

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It will only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself. This situation is between you and your partner and should not involve your children at all.

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Unless you and your spouse have decided to end your marriage, sharing details about an affair will only cause them anxiety, make them feel stuck in the middle, and forced to take sides. Don't try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it's wise to talk to a couple's counselor , who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened.

You can ask your partner questions and share your feelings without losing your cool. An experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling.

Why It's OK To Stay With The Person Who Cheated On You

If you decide to end the marriage, you 'll know that you tried your best to make it work. I can tell you that the answer is often none of these things. I can also tell you that all sorts of people—straight women, straight men, gay men, and gay women—make this choice. And when they do, one of the hardest things isn't just repairing their relationship with their partner but dealing with the shame they feel for staying.

There are a million ways to hurt your partner and damage your relationship, but for some reason, we tend to draw the line at cheating : You cannot stay with a cheater. Pop songs cement it in our brains that when a guy cheats, it's time to slash his tires or burn down his house, not have an honest conversation about the relationship. In the movies, the archetype of a cheater is a misogynist who calls his girlfriend "baby" and smacks her on the ass—the type of person who sets off all of our douche-bag alarms.

But in real life, this isn't always or even often the case. First, a disclaimer: I'm not saying that every person who cheats—man or woman—deserves a pass. If you're dating someone who doesn't treat you well and doesn't make you feel valued, by all means, dump him , whether he cheated or not.

12 Tough Things You Must Do If You Choose To Stay With A Cheating Husband

But if after some contemplation you've decided you're not dating a jerk—just someone who made a bad choice—then it could be worth the work to rebuild the relationship. As Tammy Nelson, Ph. We like to think we can see the world through a moral sense of right and wrong and take a black-and-white lens to cheating—that the cheater is always bad and the victim is always right.

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  • My Spouse Cheated. Should I Stay or Should I Go??
  • Your partner cheated, but you decided to stay—here’s what to do next!
  • How to Move Forward when someone cheats.
  • But often it's not that simple. Of course, the trick question is, "How do I know if the relationship is worth saving? But we invest a lot in our relationships, and it's normal to want guidance on a decision as big as breaking up or staying with someone. Here's the catch: I'm not so direct—my job is to steer the conversation and help the couple decide whatever is best for them. But you're not my client, so here's my advice:. My first tip is to stop thinking about cheating in a black-and-white way and instead think of it as points on a spectrum , with flirting on one end and a full-blown, top-secret affair on the other.

    Should you continue working toward improving your marriage or should you just let go and move on? How do you get back those loving feelings and a sense of security and trust after finding hard, cold evidence that your partner cheated on you? What must happen for you to once again feel like a beautiful, sexy and desirable woman, loved and cherished by her man for the rest of your life?

    You are probably asking yourself so many questions that your mind is flooded to the point of being overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts.

    What to do if you stay with a cheating partner | Well+Good

    Was your marriage boring, uninteresting and monotonous? What does this other woman have that you don't?

    Staying with a Partner Who Cheats

    Is she more beautiful, worldly, or sophisticated? Is she a better lover? Does she stand up to him more or act more vulnerable and innocent? What has she done to win his heart, lust and desire? If you didn't immediately throw your husband out of the house or insist that he pack up and leave, you will probably experience a living nightmare for the next few weeks, months or even years.

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